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Lets get one thing straight, you do not live for someone else. Your job is NOT to make someone else happy. Your own happiness and emotional well-being comes first, then the needs of the relationship. I hate it when people have the mindset, "Oh I can't do that because so and so will get angry." or "Oh I can't do that because so and so doesn't approve of it." That's not a relationship, that is sacrificing who you are just to make someone else happy when they should be happy when you act yourself.
I have seen this a lot, especially in women, when they are too scared to act themselves out of fear of offending their S.O. If you're not comfortable acting yourself to someone you "like", then it should be plainly obvious that the person isn't worth your time. And I hate hearing bullshit like, "Oh I love him" or "I don't want to be alone". Stop being such a selfish and knaive idiot and realize love isn't something that pops up after a few dates and that there are more important things than relationships like your real friends. Stop fucking around, get your priorities straight, and stop dating jerks who don't like YOU.
Now this is what really annoys me, people who are afraid to say "no more." I don't get how people( mostly female again) can be so scared to speak up for themselves and do what THEY want to do. You do not need the guys permission to do something, you don't need his permission to do what you think is best for you. I hate hearing "I'm not happy and it's not like it used to be" but yet do NOTHING to rectify the situation or make themselves happy. The guy isn't making you happy anymore and isn't trying? Leave, pack your shit up and walk out the door. And none of that "But we've put in so much time and effort into this, it'd be a waste", don't let stupid attachment issues get in the way of your life.
Bottom line, stop fucking around if you're looking for something serious. Stop dating jerks who don't act like they care about you and your life, instead of just your ass and tits. And the most important thing in my opinion, be FRIENDS with someone BEFORE deciding to date them. How the FUCK do you expect anything serious if you don't know anything about the person to begin with and just jump into a "relationship".
Sounds stupid and all, but so are people and I wanted to rant.
July 25 2005, 15:00:15 UTC 6 years ago
July 25 2005, 18:36:45 UTC 6 years ago
You know shit about life and relationships, you do not have the "experience" to dignify fact from fiction.
For one in a relationship you do sacrifice for the good of the other, but not to the extent of a complete change. If you do care for that individual you do make changes or try to change for the better. You can make changes and sacrifice things and still be yourself. "IF" you are in a relationship you do live for the other person and you do things that try not to upset them, if you just live for yourself in a 2 person relationship and you think of no one but yourself..... do you see a problem with that.
Words of wisdom, relationship = two people and you do make changes, you do sacrifice, you do live for someone else other then yourself. Individuality in a relationship is selfishness…
If you cannot fathom or understand those things then really, what individual needs to be in a relationship if they think that way?
I am 24, I do not presume to even have a scratch of knowledge when it comes to relationships. I have been in several a couple of them long term. I have seen many relationships in my life and watched my parents for my entire life. If they were to even consider going by these “rules” they would not have made it through the first year of their marriage, nor would I have made it long in my relationships.
July 25 2005, 22:56:18 UTC 6 years ago
July 26 2005, 17:19:50 UTC 6 years ago
July 26 2005, 04:26:24 UTC 6 years ago
Wow..
Words of wisdom, relationship = two people and you do make changes, you do sacrifice, you do live for someone else other then yourself. Individuality in a relationship is selfishness…
I love that sentence Ryan. Making changes is crucial and important in a relationship. Almost necessary. No one is PERFECT for anyone. There is "perfect" but not perfect. Changes can make you 'perfect' to the other person though. You get as close as possible.
Selfishness is when you only want to make yourself happy. And if you are in a relationship of 2, you make yourself and the other person happy, otherwise, it fails. You can't think about just what YOU want when you want it and how you want it. You have to think of the other person and try to understand what they would like and how to fit them together to make it best for the both of you.
You don't talk to someone else that's out of the relationship you have, and take their advice for your relationship. You talk it out with the person you're with and make your own advice. Otherwise, you're following advice that is right for you and some other person. Which in turn makes only you happy. You can acknowledge what the other person says and suggest it to your partner and unless your partner agrees, don't use it.
No one will ever be perfect for anyone, but working TOGETHER and not trying to please yourself is the best option. I say this.. because I am not in our relationship to make myself happy. I am TRYING to make you happy. And to be frankly honest and blunt, it almost seems like I'm the only one trying now a days. You seem to have given up while I'm still going. You're taking and I'm giving and nothing in return for me. Selflessness from my part an selfishness from yours. It almost seems like you are saying "You owe me a year." But yeah.. That's just me.
And I feel that once you read this, the silence will continue and you'll get angry. But like you said, "You do not need the guys permission to do something, you don't need his permission to do what you think is best for you." and this is what I feel. :)
August 15 2005, 09:06:55 UTC 6 years ago
alrighty then
ur right and ur wrong..all of u. prolly even me. u do give in a relationship, but to make it work, both must give. yes u do things to make ur significant other happy, but there's only so much u can do...its not right to be in a relationship where u claim to love the other person, u do everything for the other person...and he/she does absolutely nothing in return except make u feel like shit. its emotional abuse and if someone really loved u, there would be no abuse at all. thats when u should get out. and sometimes an outsiders opinion should be listened to, they might know a thing or two...what they say shouldnt be taken as gospel, but just advice..as in u listen to it, u think over it and possibly come up with ur own solution. there is nothing wrong with makin urself happy..if it means ur upsetting the other person, tell em to get over it and move on. u have as much right to be happy as they do. they dont like u being happy? say "byebye" ....but then, im one to talk...arent i sabrina?